You may have come across these warning flags, quite often if you search for warez or hacked software or serial numbers or porn. (I’m just sayin’) Google’s search result page will have a link with a warning saying “This site may harm your computer” more than once and it refuses to link you to the site directly. If you are sure you’re safe (on a Mac) or if you really want to see ‘Teh nekkid ladies’ you have to manually copy and paste the web address or URL into a fresh browser window and go there at your own risk.

Many people do this. I have done this very often too. You make a stupid mistake. Idiot at keyboard.

So, because of the gaffe at Google every site on the internet was flagged as unsafe and because Google is truly the lord of the internet these days it basically BROKE EVERYTHING for an hour. What happened? Fire? Server crash on a massive scale? Power outage? Internet link break down? Nope. Google’s servers and infrastructure are spread far and wide and redundantly enough that it could survive all these mishaps simultaneously with nary a hiccup. You and I wouldn’t even know about it.

What happened was someone (a human) was checking the list of sites that Google flags as malicious and blocks and to this list he/she added an innocuous little / symbol. Now anyone who knows how the internet works nows that / means everything. So the engineer basically flagged everything on the internet as potentially harmful. Every single site was bad. The whole internet. All of it. The whole kit and friggin caboodle. As you read this the said engineer is probably hanging upside down by his/her ankles in a large room where Larry and Sergey (Google Founders) beat him/her with sticks. 

This isn’t an exaggeration. The fuck up really was that enormous. Someone made a stupid mistake. 

This illustrates the weakest link in internet security. You & I. That’s right. We do stupid things on the internet. We send stupid e-cards from websites knowing that they are going to spam both the sender and the receiver for life. We visit sites knowing they look dodgy and nefarious and might do bad things to our computer. We open stupid attachments that our equally stupid friends send us because we want to see Anna Kournikova in her birthday suit or some cat riding a bicycle. We use Microsoft Internet Exploder when we know that there are better, safer, faster browsers out there for free.

Which brings me to Microsoft. The entire world uses their computers and I blame them for two things. (No. Not Vista) The first is for making software that has more holes than Swiss Cheese and the second is making people believe that the internet is for everyone. That it is so simple that you just buy a computer and plug it in.

I’m sorry. It isn’t.

You need a licence to drive. I know, I know, to get an Indian driving licence all you need is a goddamn pulse. Sometimes, not even that. But work with me here okay?

Why should anyone be allowed to get on the information highway or ‘teh internets’ without some basic training, skill or education about how things work?

Think about it. How many people do you know who have got into huge trouble because they didn’t know what they were doing on the internet? Many I’m guessing. One person I know got his US visa rejected because during his application process his computer got infected with the Kournikova virus and his computer mailed an alleged nudie pic of the young tennis star to the application officer at the US Embassy!

How many intelligent people do you know that just seem brain dead about security and common sense when they are in a web browser? Clicking on suspicious links, opening strange mail attachments, installing free screen-saver programs?

So. I have two proposals.

1. Basic training to use the internet. When you buy a computer you should get a few hours of free training. Maybe online. Maybe a video. Maybe an actual class you have to attend. But compulsory. With a test at the end.

2. If you click a stupid link on Google. Or you try to go a site that is known to be malicious. Or you try to install some questionable freeware programs from the internet. Or you open an attachment that your virus scanner WARNS you could be a virus.

Your screen goes dark and a large message flashes across the entire screen….

YOU ARE TOO STUPID TO USE THE INTERNET.

And your computer turns itself off. For a week.